An Official Statement from Rodrigo et Exciso Industries

We most humbly apologize
for the series of unfortunate events
leading to the catastrophic batch
of pancake mix products
used to sanctify your
national rituals

Although, for reasons
beyond our control,
as well as those we can,
we cannot fully divulge, recite,
enunciate or simply explain
those circumstances leading
to the incidents in question,
our hearts go out to the families
of those who experienced
death or discomfort or both
from the clearly overzealous
applications of our potions, mixes
and accessories

We also thank your priesthood
and supporting public officials
for their patience and continued
business and prompt payment

Those relationships mean everything
to us because Rodrigo et Exciso Industries
is, if nothing else, a people place

We are proud the many denominations
of your faith have chosen our pancake mix,
asundry gifts and necessary toggles,
brushes and rubs are so much a part
of your holy houses, as well
as the network hookup

Your worship means the world to us

As you can imagine
those behind the so-called
“pancake plot” have been
severely punished

You can trust us on that score

While, certainly, the regrettable fallout
over the unfortunate event has been
trying for both of our nations,
our methods against the miscreants
were far more painful and long-lasting
than those horrors felt, in the last hours
by their victims,

We at Rodrigo et Exciso Industries
remain supremely satisfied
with the high quality of our
pancake mixtures, creams
and agents for fast relief

Working closely now
with your priests and personages
of high renown who have paid us,
handsomely,
for your patronage,
we have made great improvements
to our mixtures, creams, fixtures,
accessories and agents for fast belief,
as well as our security measures to ensure
the purity of our products and applications:
The Make-a-Mix Spirit Cleanse causes
no more moaning excess, rapid heart rates,
vomiting, heaves, sores
and so any further anxiety
is no longer necessary

Which means our products
can be used in your rituals
without any more tumult
or torture than is
absolutely necessary

No more stigma
No more stain

Blood is no longer
needed as a substitute
for milk, whiskey, or water
(depending on the denomination):
A graft of skin will do

With our new push-button process
worshippers can avoid the 'roids
and ascend or descend
the pancake stacks of the void
in ways both Dante and Blake
would find agreeable

Our caste system coddles
and coodles with cost-savings,
rewards points and our bar-coded
no-punches pulled card,
Oh pancake candy dandies,
listens to the father
as the father listens for you
listening to them, and so on ...

After the one-hour chairless
session, you will be a hairless
and sweet, a compliant people

Because, like I said,
Rodrigo et Exciso Industries
is a people place,
a fixed furniture,
fee-based turnstile,
decorated and discreet,
offering ambient
monoculture music,
all heard before it's felt,
seen before it tastes
as you drift away from
chlorinated conceits,
that oblivious reeking
of seeking anything more,
no longer wanting,
anything more

And when it’s time
to put your ass in the air
to receive our golden spike,
there will be plenty of time
(and advanced notice)
for you to become mortal,
wounded, of plaster and still